Babysitting boondoggle (2007-10-10)

(Originally posted on 10 October 2007.)

Last night I went to the theatre with my friend, M (whom I should probably nickname Chuckles, since she laughs at least as much, if not more, than Giggles does!). I’d almost forgotten about the evening out and only “re-discovered” it when I glanced at my calendar on Monday afternoon. Yikes! Babysitter needed, fast!!!

Since I’m single, I need somebody who has their own transportation to get home after I return from my evening out. That generally means adults, or if teenagers then ones who live within walking distance or whose parents don’t mind picking them up.

First on the list was our basement suite tenant, Lin, a university student that Giggles loves to play with. Unfortunately, she had a shift at the restaurant she works at. Next: the teenager (in 1st-year university) at the end of the block. But she had a class from 7-8. However, she suggested that a friend of theirs, an older (30-ish) university student from Colombia, who’s staying with them while looking for an apartment, would be pleased to babysit. Now, I wasn’t sure about leaving Giggles with someone she wasn’t familiar with – always before, the babysitters have been pre-introduced, at least briefly, so she had some idea of who she was dealing with. But I met the lady and she seemed pleasant, and given her age I figured she’d be able to handle Giggles even if Giggles didn’t know her.

How wrong I was…

Not that Giggles caused any problems, per se. She just refused to go to bed. I walked in the door at 10:45 and heard voices… including one particular little voice that I should not have heard at that late hour. I entered the house and saw that she hadn’t even gotten into jammies yet; they were just brushing teeth… I was NOT pleased. “Sorry, Mommy,” she says, “I just had so much energy!”

Well, yes… Nervous energy, no doubt. Which doesn’t mean she’s not tired and shouldn’t go to bed…

The babysitter took her up to bed while I got my jacket off. As she prepared to depart, she told me “I tried all the time to get her to go to bed, but she just had too much energy. I hope it won’t be a problem tomorrow.”

Well, sorry, it WILL be a problem. You’re the grown-up; you get the kid to bed!!!

But maybe it’s not as easy as that. Those of you who know Giggles may realize that it can be challenging to get her to do what she's supposed to do when SHE doesn’t want to. And not having any kind of a relationship with her, or knowing how she operates, will make it even more challenging. An experienced parent who doesn’t know her would likely have more resources at hand to get a noncompliant kid to do what she is supposed to do, but someone without much kid experience may not have a clue.

As I lay down in bed beside Giggles, she told me that Lin, the basement tenant, had come home shortly before I did and told her to clean up and get to bed. So they did, or at least got started.

Clue #1: she listens to someone she knows. Or more accurately, clue #2. Clue #1 was the fact that as soon as the babysitter came through the door, she was starting to act a weeny bit "off-the-wall." Just a weeny bit, people who don't know her well wouldn't have noticed. But I did.

Even so, I didn’t read the signal… I had explained the bedtime routine to the babysitter, but I forgot, or didn’t think to, pass on authority and elicit Giggles’ compliance. As in, “While Mommy’s gone, Lady is in charge. You listen to her and do what she tells you. Okay?” I think that would have been effective.

Okay, lesson learned. If possible, do not leave Giggles with someone she doesn’t know. If not possible, be sure to talk not just to the babysitter, but to Giggles, to ensure she knows what’s expected of her.

But now I have another dilemma. We hadn’t pre-discussed wages; it seemed inappropriate to do when my friend M and Lady’s friend were there when she first arrived, so I had intended to do so after I got home, as Lady was leaving. But I was very upset, and so just gave her some money without any discussion. And because I was upset, I didn’t pay her as much as I would have otherwise offered. I paid her just slightly over the “teenager rate,” rather than what I normally pay the basement tenants when they babysit in the evening (minimum wage – seeing as they normally just have about an hour of “active duty” followed by the ability to do whatever they want for the remainder of the evening, including studying, as long as they’re present!). (And I pay the in-home after-school caregivers I’ve had a higher rate yet, since they’re on “active duty” for the whole time they’re with Giggles.)

So tell me, dear friends, do you think it was okay to unilaterally “cut her pay” (though we hadn’t discussed rates in advance) seeing as her performance, in my opinion at the time, wasn’t up to standard?
Or ought I to have paid her my standard evening adult rate, as she tried her best, though Giggles wasn’t compliant?
Or ought I perhaps even have paid her the full after-school care rate, as she ended up being on “active duty” the whole time…?

So this morning, one of the first things Giggles tells me upon waking up is “See Mommy, I’m not tired!” (Seeing as I’d told her as we both fell asleep last night that she would be tired this morning and not want to get out of bed, but I expected her not to complain…) Followed immediately by “But I might fall asleep in the bus. Or at school.”

Right. Lesson learned. I hope…